I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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