I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
