Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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