Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
