one might say we're banned from that church
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
