we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
