First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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