Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Randomize
