If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
