dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
