We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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