Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You need a sexual gate keeper
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I came so hard my ears popped.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
