i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize