im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
