So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
