where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
