his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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