had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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