Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
