I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
