Soap is not a condiment
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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