if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
