Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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