i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
