the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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