watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
