He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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