it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
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