peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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