from now on my penis is your penis
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
