garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
