You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
