His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
