Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize