i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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