Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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