Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
My hand turned me down
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
