I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Randomize
