Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
