Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
