I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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