I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
