Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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