Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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