At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
