watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
That accounts for only three of the penises
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
