It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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