i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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