I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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