I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
