Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
id be glad to
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
