don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
