If i could tip my vagina, i would.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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