She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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