I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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