i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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