I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
