Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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