at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
