Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Randomize
