He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
