it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
