My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
