Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You ruined the universe
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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