he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
3pm strippers are depressing
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
