dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
