That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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