Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
