i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
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Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
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I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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