I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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