there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
