Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
