she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
This house was built for laser tag.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
