I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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