you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
